


Hurt

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Attempted Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-21
Updated: 2010-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3501554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some bad things happen to Toki.  <br/>Warnings: blood, violence, attempted murder</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

Charles’ cell phone rang again, and once again it was the same unknown number. Very few people had this number, and they were all neatly entered into his phone book.   
He ignored it.  
Dethklok had insisted on one of their ‘nights out’ the evening before, and he was trying to account for them all now. Sure they’d all gone together, but it was fairly common for them to split up over the course of the evening, eventually coming home separately, if at all.  
It wouldn’t be the first time he had to retrieve one of them from some girl’s house, or some odd location they’d somehow gotten themselves to.

So far he’d only managed to verify that Murderface was back, and his phone rang yet again.  
Again, the same number. Fine, he’d answer it, he’d tell them that they had the wrong number so they’d quit calling. “Hello?”  
“Is this Dethklok’s manager?”  
So it _wasn’t_ a wrong number, but how- “Yes I am. How did you get this number?”  
“This is Nurse Sanders from St. Necrophagist Hospital, I’ve been trying to get hold of you. Toki Wartooth was brought in early this morning, we got this number from his cell phone.”  
“I’ll be right there.”

After issuing orders to a crew of Gears to locate the remaining band members as soon as possible, Charles hurried to the hospital.  
Nurse Sanders, a large no-nonsense sort of woman, met him and urged him into a room where they could talk.  
“Tell me what happened.”  
“He was found in an alley by a shopkeeper who’d come in early, he called the ambulance. To put it plainly, someone beat him quite badly. One of our nurses recognized him, and I’ve been trying to contact you ever since.”

Toki, losing a fight? It was hard to believe. “And what has he said?”  
“Nothing at all, I’m afraid. He was unconscious when he was found, and although he’s woken up since, he seems almost catatonic. Our tests indicate that the injuries to his head shouldn’t be severe enough to cause this, so we’re quite stumped, to be honest.”  
Charles nodded, thinking. “He has a history of becoming somewhat catatonic when extremely stressed, that’s probably all it is. Please tell me the extent of his injuries.”  
“Wait right here, I’ll grab his chart.” She hurried out of the room.

Very soon she was back, carrying a thick folder. “The most severe damage is to his arms, extreme bruising and multiple hairline fractures. Because of the swelling, he’s not in casts, but he doesn’t need to be as long as he takes it easy.”  
Perhaps it was someone jealous of his talent? “Do you feel that his arms and hands were their target then?”  
“No, I think these would best be classified as defensive injuries, he was probably trying to protect himself from his attacker.”  
“So he was conscious throughout this?”  
“Most definitely, yes.”

“I’m assuming that the other party involved was also brought in at some point? What shape are they in?”  
Nurse Sanders shook her head. “I’m sorry, but he was the only fight victim we got last night. And you should know that even if we should get another, I wouldn’t be at liberty to tell you. I don’t think there will be though, all his injuries are of a defensive nature, it’s looks unlikely that he hit the other person at all.”  
Charles believed her, as impossible as it sounded. “I would like to see him now.”  
With a nod, she beckoned him to follow.

In Toki’s room, she left the chart in case he wanted to examine it further, and gave them privacy.  
Shirtless, and pale where the bruises didn’t cover, Toki lay in the bed. He appeared to be ‘awake’, but his eyes were empty, and he gave no indication that he was aware of Charles at all.  
“Toki?” There was no response. “Toki, I need you to come out of this so I can take you home.”  
The still form in the bed merely continued his dead-eyed stare, seeing nothing.  
Who had caused this? He needed to know, needed to know who to kill.

Pulling the sheet down to Toki’s waist, Charles scanned the patterns on his flesh, recognizing the signs. Fists hadn’t done this, this had been done with a cane or similar item.  
The damage to his head looked minimal, but patterns of marks marred his sides. As the nurse had said, his arms were indeed the worst. The pattern become heavier just below his shoulders, and nearly solid once it was past his elbows. Yes, classic defensive injuries, taking most of the blows to the forearms.   
Toki needed to stay here for now, where they could watch him. Charles carefully pulled the sheet back up.

****

Charles had called a band meeting. They were the last ones to see Toki, hopefully they could shed some light on the situation.  
Pickles was sober enough to count. “Dude, where’s Toki? How cahm he doesn’t have ta be here too?”  
“Toki is in the hospital, and I’m hoping one of you can help me figure out why.”  
Seemingly surprised, the waited for him to continue.  
“He was found in an alley and taken to the hospital, someone had beaten him quite badly. Now who was the last to see him last night?”

They looked around at each other. Finally Nathan spoke. “We were... really, really drunk. I think he left with Skwisgaar?”  
Charles turned, “Skwisgaar, is this true?  
“Ja, dat bar was too borings, I goes to dis differents one. He jus follows me.”  
“I see. And what happened next?”  
“How ams I supposed to knows! I leaves wit some ladies!”  
“Okay. Skwisgaar, I need some more details. The rest of you may go now.”

The others decided to obey for a change, and left. Skwisgaar just glared at him. “Whats?! Ams not mine job to keep ups wit dat stupid dildos!”  
Charles sighed, not wanting to start a pointless argument. “I merely need to know where you were, and if you noticed anyone messing with Toki.”  
Skwisgaar named a club not far from where Toki was found, but claimed to have been too busy with the ladies to notice anything strange.  
Realizing he would get nothing else, Charles gave up. Hopefully he would find answers elsewhere.

****

Toki had been in the hospital for two days now. He was considered to be stable, be he was refusing or unable to come out of his semi-catatonic state so they were very reluctant to release him.  
Charles finally just signed the consent forms to take him home, if Toki didn’t snap out of it soon he could always bring him back.  
On the way, he seemed to actually be focusing on the passing scenery, seeming more ‘there’.  
”Toki? I need to know who did this to you.” He didn’t really expect a reply, but he got one.  
“Don’ts remember.” He never turned from the window.

It was possible that he really didn’t remember, he’d received a few blows to the head. It was equally possible that he was lying, but that just didn’t make much sense.  
The real puzzle was, why hadn’t he fought back? No explanation Charles had managed to think of made any sense. Of course he’d checked the whereabouts of Dr. Rockso, but the clown was safely locked up in another city’s jail, there was no way he could be involved.  
Not wanting to possibly make him fully withdraw again, Charles said nothing else.  
The rode the rest of the way home in total silence.

Back at the Haus, Toki was miserable and very bored. The painkillers they’d given him didn’t seem to do much good, and his arms ached badly. It didn’t really matter, he was supposed to be resting them so they could heal. He wasn’t allowed to practice guitar (not that he probably would have), or build his models, or really do anything. This sucked.  
The doctors had also advised he stay out of the hot tub.   
He avoided the other guys, mostly staying in his room.   
He wanted to be alone.

When he did come out, a long sleeved shirt hid most of the damage. After all the beatings in his life, what was one more? By the was ashamed of the marks anyway, after all, he must have something to deserve them.   
If only he knew what.  
Thankfully, although they looked curiously at what little they could see, nobody asked questions. They left him alone.  
He assumed it was probably the manager’s doing, but that was okay, it was what he wanted.  
When it came down to it, he had always been alone, and always would be. That’s just how it was.

This wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time he hadn’t been able to hide it, to cover it up.  
This time had been far worse, but if only he’d made it home and not been found that way, he could have hidden most of it and made up some excuse for the rest.  
But this time, he’d thought he might actually be killed. When it was over he’d just lain there, and had eventually passed out from the combination of the pain and all the alcohol he’d drunk beforehand.  
And woke up in the fucking hospital.  
They _knew_ , he hated that.

****

A few days later, Nathan and Pickles were sitting in the hot tub discussing whether or not someone was out to get them. Pickles thought it was silly for Nathan to be worried.  
“Dude, look at ya! I’m tha one who should be scared!”  
“Well, you know, look what they did to Toki, and Toki’s pretty brutal. What if there were more than one?”  
Pickles drained his beer and shook his head. “Charles said tha evidence means it was jest one person. But thet’s it, I’m naught goin’ out drinkin’ anymore, I’ll jest git drunk raight here.”  
“Maybe we should, like, talk to him?”  
“But thet’d be carin’.”  
“Yeah, you’re right.”

But a little later, Nathan went anyway. It didn’t count as caring if nobody knew about it, right?  
Toki had been laying on his bed shirtless, even the pressure of the long sleeved t-shirt he’d been wearing bothered him. He almost grabbed for it when Nathan walked in, but fuck it, he’d already seen.  
Nathan couldn’t help staring, that was a shitload of bruises. Some of them were turning colors already, adding some greens and yellows to the mottled mess of his arms.  
“Takes a good look, I don’ts care. Whats you wants, Nathan?”

Nathan shrugged, and sat on the bed. “I don’t know. We just haven’t seen you much since you got home.”  
“Ja, well maybe I’s not feeling so good.”  
“Yeah.” Nathan couldn’t help looking at the damage again. “This is fucked up. You’re _mine_ , nobody gets to do this to you!”  
“I’s not yours!”  
“My guitarist. You know what I fucking meant!” Yeah, that had sounded kinda gay. “You know I have trouble expressing myself.”

Toki just shrugged, and shifted a little trying to find a more comfortable position. There really wasn’t one, they’d told him it would take weeks for the many small cracks in his arms to heal, and that was a deep ache that the stupid painkillers couldn’t touch. “Why’s you here?”  
“Because we’re like, family. Sort of.”  
“Family? Pfft.” He did a pretty good Skwisgaar imitation. “We’s just five guys who doesn’t care about each other.”  
Nathan had no reply. It was hard to deny, especially since they spent so much time trying to convince themselves of that.

Toki’s shifting had uncovered something his bed, and a gleam caught Nathan’s attention. He grabbed it before Toki could stop him, a rather large knife. “Whoa. Is this Murderface’s?”  
“Noes, it’s mine. Gives it back.”  
“You’re uh, not planning to kill anybody, are you? Because we have people for that.”  
“I’s not goings to kills anyone.” He held out his hand, and Nathan handed it back.  
Since he couldn’t think of anything else to say and this was getting awkward, Nathan got up and left.

****

Toki healed, practices resumed. Something seemed off, but nobody could put their finger on it.  
Charles had never been able to track down the identity of Toki’s mysterious attacker, which bothered him greatly. Finding out these sort of things was his job, or one of his jobs anyway.  
Nathan had developed a habit of watching Toki. He was pretty sure nobody had noticed, and he told himself he was just trying to make sure nothing else happened to him. He’d noticed the faint outline of the knife, Toki was wearing it all the time now. The sneaky way, with the sheath in his back pocket so it hardly showed.

Things were normal, but nothing was normal.  
They rarely were ever all together anymore, even in the hot tub it would be only a couple of them at a time.  
As more time passed, it didn’t get better but it got familiar, easier to overlook.  
They were trying to write some new songs, but the dynamic was _off_ for some reason. It just wasn’t coming together at all, and eventually they just put the new stuff on hold.  
Maybe things would improve when a little more time had passed.

****

A few weeks later, it all went to hell.  
They were outside, Pickles had suggested it because it was a nice day.  
Skwisgaar was sitting against the wall, practicing his guitar as usual. He’d been weird lately, but he was a little strange to begin with so nobody paid much attention.  
Nathan was sitting over at the picnic table, pretending that he wasn’t watching Toki. Pickles was sitting with him. Murderface was mutilating the greenery, as was his habit. Most of the trees in easy walking distance had ‘Piss’ carved on them somewhere.  
Toki had been designated to go get more beer. They really should just bring a cooler out here, but that was too much trouble.

On the way he passed too close to Skwisgaar, who suddenly uncoiled like a snake, rising to his feet and striking out.  
Skwisgaar swung his guitar at Toki, who ducked under it, then rammed him into the wall.   
Nathan saw him yank his knife out of his pocket, but was too far away to do anything. Fuck, he was going to kill Skwisgaar! “Toki, NO!”  
Toki ignored him. He held Skwisgaar pinned against the wall. “Noes, we’s not goings to keep doesing this shits! You wants to does it, does it fuckings _right_!” He shoved the knife into Skwisgaar’s hand and stepped back.

Not even taking time to think, Skwisgaar stepped forward and sank the knife into Toki’s chest.  
The pain was white hot, and more intense than anything he’d ever felt before. He couldn’t fight it, he went down.  
Skwisgaar backed up against the wall, seeming unsure of what to do now.  
Nathan slapped Pickles, who was frozen in shock. “GO GET HELP!”  
Pickles shook himself then took off running, yelling for anyone.  
Murderface was staring in disbelief.

Nathan ran to Toki and dropped to the ground beside him, ignoring Skwisgaar for now. “Toki? Hey, hang in there!” He brushed Toki’s hair back, trying to keep it out of the blood that was now leaking from his mouth.  
Toki opened his eyes, he wasn’t dead, not yet anyway. “Hurts. Can’ts breathe...”  
“Yeah I know. Well, I _don’t_ know, but yeah. Don’t die!” He had no idea what to fucking do, when was help getting here?  
After an eternity of a few seconds, he heard them coming.  
Medic Gears, the ones they almost never saw, pushing him away and going to work.

After doing various medical things, they quickly loaded Toki into the waiting vehicle and were gone.  
Skwisgaar was gone too, having fled the scene unnoticed while they were distracted.  
Pickles came over to Nathan, who still looked shocked. Some of Toki’s blood was on his hand. “What tha fuck jest happened?”  
“I have no idea. Look, I’m going to the hospital, I just... want to be there.”  
Nathan, showin’ feelings is-“  
“I KNOW! I just don’t fucking care right now. I’m going.”

****

Nathan sat in the waiting room, trying to be patient. They had told him that Toki had made it through the surgery, but wouldn’t let him in to see him.  
So he waited.  
Charles had been there, and Pickles had stopped by too.  
Hours had passed, and they still wouldn’t let him in.  
Nathan tried to stretch out across several bolted-together plastic chairs and take a nap, but it was even more uncomfortable than he’d expected.

He finally managed to doze off, and Charles woke him up. “Nathan come on. They’re not going to let anybody in tonight, let’s go home.”  
“But I feel like I should be here!”  
“You can come back tomorrow, but it will likely be a couple days before they let him have visitors. Also, they’re taking extra precautions because I didn’t tell them it was Skwisgaar, they’re assuming it could be anyone.”  
Nathan got up, this argument made sense. They went home.  
The next day he was back, and the day after, falling into a pattern of waiting.

****

Toki was awake. He really hated being in the hospital, but they wouldn’t let him go home yet. He still had drains and stuff coming out of his chest.  
Charles had been there when he’d woken up. “Toki, I don’t want to stress you but I have to know: Was it also Skwisgaar who beat you up that night?”  
“Ja.” He could hardly deny it anymore, there had been witnesses this time.  
“Very well, I’ll... figure something out. By the way, Nathan has been wanting to visit you, if you feel up to it.”  
Nathan? “Ja, okays I guess. If he wants to.”  
“Alright, I’ll send him in.” Business done, Charles left.

Nathan came in hesitantly, and sat in a chair by the bed. “Hey.”  
“Hi Nathan.”  
“Why’d you do it? Why’d you give him the knife?” A terrible way to start, but it had been on his mind for days.  
“I don’ts wants to talk abouts it. Why’s you here anyways?”  
Nathan shrugged. “I’ve been here a lot, they just wouldn’t let me in. I just wanted to make sure you were okay?”  
Toki looked at him strangely. “Nathan, are you tellings me that you cares about me?”  
“God damnit, Toki. Yes, okay?”

Toki considered those words, weighing them. “I don’ts believes you.”  
Having no idea how to respond to that, Nathan just sat there. He’d actually confessed to having feelings, and Toki didn’t even believe him. That sucked.  
They sat in silence for a while, then Toki tapped Nathan’s hand to get his attention. “You don’t has to stays with me, I’s used to beings alone.”  
“Toki... You’re not getting it. I _want_ to stay, that’s why I’m here.” He moved his hand, taking Toki’s.

Toki turned his head away, but not before Nathan saw the tears in his eyes. He didn’t pull his hand away though. “Just goes away, Nathan.”  
“No. Damnit Toki, I just want... I don’t know what I fucking want. But you’re involved!”  
“Don’ts pretends. I can’ts takes it right now.”  
Nathan sucked at expressing himself with words. Standing up and leaning over the bed, he demanded, “Toki, look at me.”  
When Toki turned his head, Nathan kissed him.

After a few seconds, Nathan pulled back. “Don’t tell me I don’t care, because I do. I’ll uh, see you tomorrow, okay?” He left the room.  
Toki considered things. Nathan had fucking _kissed_ him, that was pretty strange.   
Even stranger, he wanted to believe it. But he couldn’t, everything always turned out badly for him. Trust was out of the question, he just didn’t do that.  
Well, they’d keep him here a few more days, he didn’t have to think about it yet.  
Why had he done that, what did he want?  
No, don’t think. Rest. The painkillers he was on helped with that quite a lot.

****

In the manager’s office, a private meeting was going on.  
“Why did you do it, Skwisgaar?” Charles needed some damn answers.  
“You wouldn’ts be understandings.” Skwisgaar was sulky, Charles had deprived him of his guitar for this and he missed its comforting distraction.  
“I’m afraid you’ll have to try, you did stab Toki in the chest after all. Another inch to the side and you would have killed him, it was a very close thing. And I now know you were also the one who beat him. _Why_?”  
His only reply was silence.

It became clear that he wasn’t going to answer, so Charles tried another tactic. “What did you hit him with anyway?”  
“De pool sticks I finds by de door.”  
Yes, that could have easily made those marks. “So you just randomly picked up a pool stick and beat the crap out of him, for no reason at all?”  
“If I says yes, will you leaves me de fucks alone?” Skwisgaar crossed his arms defiantly. He wanted his damn guitar, this was bullshit.

Charles sighed, he just didn’t seem to be realizing the seriousness of his actions. “Skwisgaar, you need to realize that you may get kicked out of the band over this. It only takes three votes, and quite frankly, I can’t see anyone voting in your favor right now.”  
“Dey can’ts be doesing dat! Dey ams nothing withouts me!”  
“They can and they very well may, if you don’t explain yourself.”  
More defiant silence was his only answer.  
“Very well then, you’re at their mercy when they do vote on this, and I assure you that they will. Something of this magnitude can’t simply be overlooked. You are dismissed.”  
Skwisgaar got up and stalked out.

****

Toki was finally back home again, and once again keeping to himself.  
Or at least he was trying to, but Nathan wasn’t letting him most of the time. “So why didn’t you just kick his ass? I’ve seen what you can do.”  
“I’s not going to hits him.” There was no point explaining, he wouldn’t understand.  
“I want you to sleep in my bed.” Nathan had been thinking about this.  
“What the fucks? _Why_?”  
“Because yours is too small for me. Because I wanna be there, then I don’t have to worry about anybody hurting you. Besides, you might like, need help or something.”

“I don’ts need you to takes care of me.” But Nathan’s big bed would probably be more comfortable, he was supposed to sleep propped up for a little longer.   
So he agreed.  
That night, Nathan arranged pillows in a small stack, and helped Toki lie back against them.   
The help was appreciated, even though he tried to hide it, he was still in a fair amount of pain. A little help really made all the difference.  
After carefully pulling up the blankets for Toki, Nathan went around and crawled into bed as well. 

Nathan put an arm around him, being careful to keep it low across his stomach and far away from his still healing chest. Toki stiffened a little at the contact, but allowed it.  
“Nathan... you don’ts has to be nice. Just go aheads takes what you wants, I’s in no shape to fights you anyways.”  
That was weird. “What the fuck do you think I want, Toki?”  
Toki gave a resigned little sigh. “Don’ts know, but you must wants something. Probably sexes.”  
“No. Just... no. That’s not why I’m here- you’re here, whatever. Really. Just go to sleep, I’m not gonna do anything.”  
And so they slept.

****

Toki had always heard that almost dying was supposed to make you feel really alive, or love life, or something... He couldn’t remember exactly.  
It wasn’t true though, he didn’t feel any different. Some days he thought it might have been better of Skwisgaar had a little better aim.  
Yes, Skwisgaar was still there, and he knew why. They were putting it off, deciding anything, they didn’t want to do it. He understood, Skwisgaar was better than he would ever be, if they kicked him out the music would suffer.  
It was just as well, he knew how he would vote, he knew the problems it would cause.

****

A week later, Toki was laying on the bed, bored and channel surfing. Nathan was reading some book.  
Skwisgaar walked into the room with out even knocking. “Gets out Nathans, I wants to talks to him.”  
“Fuck that. You can just say it in front of me!”  
Toki sat up, a resigned look on his face. “Nathan, just go.”  
“Fine!” He pointed at Skwisgaar. “If you hurt him again I’ll fucking break you, you understand?”  
“Pfft, whatevers. I ams not goings to touch yous little boyfriend, goes on now.”  
“He’s not my boyfriend!” But, with a warning look, he obeyed.

Toki sat silent, waiting to see what Skwisgaar would say. He couldn’t imagine an apology coming from this man.  
“Toki, I...” No, he couldn’t say it. “Why did you let things go like that?”  
How fitting of Skwisgaar to try to make it his fault. “I’s not going to hits you. I don’ts even know why you dids all that, nevers knew.”  
“Because I _hates_ you! And no matter what I does, you never stops me, you never even says anyting!  
“I’s sorries you hates me. If you really wants to kill me, I won’ts stop you.”

 _Still_ , after all this... “ _Whys_?” Skwisgaar just couldn’t believe it.  
“You think my life means anything to me? It doesn’t. I’s never been good enough for anybodies, I never will be. So does it if you want, I don’ts really care. But I’s not goings to hurts you, I won’ts do it.”  
“Oh.” He didn’t really have a response for that, so he changed the subject. “So ams you fuckings Nathans?”  
“Noes.”  
“Funny, I believes you.” He couldn’t actually apologize, but... “Toki? It ams over, okays?”  
“Ja, whatevers.” He didn’t look convinced.

Skwisgaar, left, and Nathan came back in. “So nothing happened?”  
“Noes, nothing happens. I don’t needs you fucking protectings me.”  
“Well, you won’t do it yourself, and I know damn well that you can. What did he do, show me!”  
Toki crossed his arms. “I told you nothing happens!”  
“I don’t believe you, you’ve protected that bastard way too long. Prove it, take off your shirt.”  
Toki snarled at him. “Makes me.”  
Nathan shook his head, backing down. “Can’t, I’m scared I’ll hurt you. I know you’re not, you know, completely better yet.”

Toki lay back down and resumed his channel surfing. His chest didn’t really hurt at all if he just laid around.  
Nathan lay beside him, propping himself up on one elbow. “Hey. Turn that off, I wanna talk to you.”  
Hitting the off button, Toki turned to him. “What?”  
“How come you won’t trust me? Why do you keep saying I want something from you?”  
“You kisses me. I wasn’t _that_ drugged, I remembers.”  
“Oh. That was- I don’t know, I wasn’t really thinking. It seemed like a good idea at the time? I was just trying to prove that I cared?”  
“Caring’s gay, Nathan.”  
“Yeah I know.” Giving up, Nathan went back to his book.

“I didn’ts mind.”  
“Huh?” A bit confused, Nathan put down his book again.  
“The kisses. I don’t wants to does nothing else, but that was okays. Weird, but nots bad.”  
“Wait- You _want_ me to kiss you?” This was an odd turn.  
“Noes, not reallies. But I don’t minds if you does, that’s all I’s saying.” It hadn’t felt bad.  
Nathan decided to take that as a challenge, and kissed him again. You know, just to see what it was like under different circumstances.

Toki kissed him back.  
It was... interesting. Was this what caring felt like?  
Nathan pulled back. “Is that okay?”  
“Ja, that’s okays.”   
Not really knowing anything else to say, they both went back to what they’d been doing.  
That had been kind of strange, maybe they should just stick to being roommates.  
Well, at least for right now.

****

The inevitable band meeting was finally taking place. Charles had insisted on waiting a few weeks for Toki to recover, not wanting to stress him. But this was a serious issue that needed to be addressed, they couldn’t merely pretend it had never happened.  
Skwisgaar was nervous, he was pretty sure he was out. It really sucked to be in this position, but he understood that he’d brought it on himself.  
Charles addressed them. “You all know why we’re here today. This is a very serious matter that has been delayed long enough, I need the four of you to vote. You’ve had a couple weeks to think, so I don’t want to hear any objections that you’re not ready. Skwisgaar, of course, can’t vote for himself. Who would like to go first?”

Pickles raised his hand. He was still very wary of Skwisgaar, and had made up his mind long ago. “I vote thet he’s out. I don’t wanna be next, ya know?”  
Charles nodded, making a note. “Next?”  
I schay we keep him. He’sch the bescht, I’m thinking of the band.” Dethklok was the best thing that Murderface had ever had, and he didn’t want it messed up.  
Nathan was looking at Murderface in surprise. “Huh, didn’t see that coming. He’s right, Skwisgaar is the best, but I still gotta say he’s out.”  
Skwisgaar dropped his head in his hands. That was it, it was over.

Charles marked that down, and turned to Toki. “Well Toki, it seems that it’s your decision. I need your vote.”  
They were never going to understand, but that couldn’t be helped. “He stays.” Without another word, Toki got up and left the room.  
Skwisgaar stared after him in shock. Toki had spared him. Why?   
Well it was official, so the meeting was over. As questionable as this may be, it was probably easier than finding a new guitarist.

Nathan went looking for Toki, he wanted a damn explanation.   
He wasn’t hard to find. “Hey, did he fucking threaten you? Because if he did, your vote doesn’t count!”  
“He didn’t threatens me, I’s just being like Moiderface and thinking abouts what’s best for the band. We needs him.”  
“But he tried to kill you!”  
“I knows that! I’s pretty sure he won’t does it again though.” After all, weeks had passed without any new problems.  
Nathan gave up, it was out of his hands now anyway.

****

Toki was in his room.  
There was a knock on his door, and he was surprised to see Skwisgaar. “Toki, can I be talkings to you?”  
With a shrug, he stood aside and let him in.   
Skwisgaar seemed very agitated, pacing the floor. Finally he blurted, “I wants you to beats me up. Jus don’ts breaks mine hands, okay?”  
Well that was certainly a strange request. “Noes.”  
“You has to! Dis ams de only way I can tinks to be makings tings better!”  
Toki sat on his bed. “Noes, I won’t does it.”

Skwisgaar quit pacing and sat beside him. “At least tells me whys not?”  
“You thinks you’s the first, you thinks I’s never been beat before? You’s seen my fuckings back, I know you has. I’s not ever going to does that to anybody I knows.”  
“I hates mineself. How dids I ever ends up dis way?” He looked at Toki almost pleadingly. “You’s really not going to be doesing it?”  
Toki shook his head. “I’s never going to does it.”  
He’d thought he had the answer, now he was lost. “Dere has gots to be someting...”  
“I forgives you, Skwisgaar.”

Skwisgaar amazed him by starting to cry, he hadn’t thought him capable of it. “I’s sorries, Toki, I’s so damn sorries!”  
Toki patted him awkwardly on the back, not really having any fucking clue how to react to this. Skwisgaar just cried harder, so he was probably doing it wrong. “Damnit Skwisgaar, stops! I gave you the fuckings knife!”  
It took a while, but Skwisgaar slowly got himself back under control.  
They sat in silence for a bit.

Somewhat embarrassed by his recent tears, Skwisgaar tried to change the focus. “So you ams still sleepings wit Nathans?”  
“Ja sometimes. It’s not so bads.” He wasn’t there as often these days, but Nathan was good to sleep with. Sometimes a warm body beside you just made you sleep so much better, and sometimes he needed that.  
Skwisgaar nodded in understanding. “He ams a good guy. Toki...”  
“I’s not goings to makes fun of you, don’ts worry.” He smiled at him, amused.  
“Ja, I doesn’t has dose dildos _feelings_ , right?” Skwisgaar smiled back.

Later that day, the rest of the band was shocked to see Toki and Skwisgaar hanging out together, acting like nothing had ever been wrong.  
Things finally felt normal agin, real normal, not that crap that had been passing for normal lately.  
Taking him aside, Nathan just had to ask, “Toki? You good?”  
“Ja Nathan, I’s good. I tolds you I could handles it.” Things seemed to have worked out pretty well.  
“Yeah, yeah you did. So everything is alright now?”  
“Everything is alrights.”


End file.
